After Losing Half My Vision, Makeup Taught Me How to Love My Eye Again

There’s not a ton of silver linings to shedding an eyeball, nevertheless it does depart you with a wonderful canvas. I initially misplaced imaginative and prescient in November 2022 after a mass of irritation minimize off blood circulate to my optic nerve. The eyeball stumped a number of hospitals, resisted two rounds of high-dose corticosteroids, endured 10 days of radiation, and spent over a 12 months going by immunotherapy. Because the mass grew, it began to push the attention about 26mm out of face (some days had been worse than others). It did not assist that the eyelid drooped in a everlasting wink and the encircling pores and skin appeared crimson and swollen, because of a scarcity of correct drainage.

Previous to my well being points, I by no means left the home with out make-up. In faculty, I glued on Ardell Wispies for my 8 a.m. lectures and hit pan on my Anastasia Beverly Hills contour palette (like everybody else in 2018). It was an outlet; a supply of creativity. However as my incapacity turned progressively extra seen, my relationship with magnificence fell to the wayside. I watched tutorials and located myself envious of unscarred pores and skin and totally functioning eyeballs. I attempted to think about how sure make-up traits would look on me, however most days, wanting within the mirror was sufficient of a problem.

In August 2023, I made up my thoughts about just a few issues. One, I did not wish to spend the remainder of my life hiding from my eyeball. And two, I wanted to get higher at celebrating it. With a prayer and a formidable quantity of eyelash glue, I meticulously connected clusters of silver rhinestones to my face, creating two glowing teardrops beneath my blind eye. I shared a video documenting the method, and managed to succeed in over 500,000 individuals and a whole bunch of type commenters.

The extra I experimented with make-up, the extra I appreciated this new model of myself.

Impressed by the web’s supportive response, I continued to benefit from my distinctive options (together with all my additional lid house). I attempted all the pieces from rhinestones to googly eyes (I managed to suit 18 of them onto my blind eye, in case you had been questioning). Ultimately, I began to match my make-up appears to my varied eye patches, drawing hearts on my cheeks for a Valentine’s-themed patch and dipping into blue glitter for a porcelain-inspired look.

Once I lastly had the attention eliminated in Could 2024, the celebration began once more. Prosthetics, I discovered, did not should be scary or intimidating. They may very well be lovely and otherworldly — like wearable items of artwork. I started a sequence the place I matched my make-up to my “enjoyable eyes” (artistic prosthetic eyes that are not meant to be real looking). For my “Coraline” button eye, I turned myself right into a doll. For my blue and pink “galaxy” eye, I used momentary butterfly tattoos to create sparkly wings on both aspect of my face.

The general public’s notion of my “enjoyable eyeball” ranges from radical acceptance to informal cruelty. I attempt to tune out the unsolicited medical recommendation and unfunny quips on social media, nevertheless it’s not at all times straightforward. Earlier than eradicating the attention, I used to get up early to placed on glittery eyeshadow and heavy concealer. Nobody might be imply to me if my make-up is enjoyable sufficient, I assumed to myself. Unsuitable!

“[It’s] in all probability a micro organism an infection from these horrid eyelashes,” one individual commented on a PS video about my thriller sickness . . . probably lacking the truth that I used to be solely sporting lashes on my “good” eye. “Dig it out with a spoon, it is actually insufferable to take a look at,” one other as soon as wrote on my TikTok web page.

The feedback have eased up post-eye removing, however I will not neglect them anytime quickly. Fortunately, the extra I experiment with make-up, the much less I care about what anybody else has to say. I am pleased with how far I’ve come, and I proceed to search out magnificence on this new model of myself — one thing I frightened I would not have the ability to do. I hope that is the completely happy ending to a really tumultuous story. But when extra change does comes my method, I take consolation in realizing that I will have the instruments to determine it out.

Chandler Plante (she/her) is an assistant well being and health editor for PS. She has over 4 years {of professional} journalism expertise, beforehand working as an editorial assistant for Folks journal and contributing to Ladygunn, Millie, and Bustle Digital Group.